How to Last Longer in Bed: What Actually Works, From a Man Who Does It for a Living

In this guide

• The real average, and why porn ruined your stopwatch
• Pelvic floor training: the one exercise I never skip
• Stop-start and squeeze: boring, effective
• Breathing, pace and position
• Fitness, sleep, alcohol and the rest of your life
• When it is a medical problem, and what doctors offer

The question I get more than any other, in messages, in comments and from friends after two drinks, is some version of this: how do you last that long?

I understand why men ask. When you watch an adult scene, it looks like the man can go forever. So let me start with something that might save you a lot of anxiety: what you see on screen is not one continuous act. A scene is shot over hours, with breaks for lighting, for positions, for the camera to move, for make-up, for water. It is edited. Nobody — including me — is performing for forty unbroken minutes. If that is the yardstick you have been measuring yourself against, you have been measuring yourself against a film set.

That said, control is real and it can be trained. I have had to learn it, because on set my body has to cooperate with a schedule that is not mine. Here is what I have learned, checked against what doctors and researchers actually say.

First, the real number

The most-cited study on this is a multinational survey published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2005. Researchers asked 500 couples in five countries to time intercourse at home with a stopwatch over four weeks. The median time from penetration to ejaculation was about 5.4 minutes, and the range between couples was enormous, from well under a minute to more than 40 minutes (Waldinger et al., 2005).

Read that again: around five minutes was the middle of the pack. Not twenty. Not an hour.

The NHS describes premature ejaculation as common and says that occasional episodes are nothing to worry about; it only becomes a problem worth treating when it happens most of the time and causes distress (NHS: Ejaculation problems). Mayo Clinic says much the same: the issue is less about a number on a clock and more about whether you can delay ejaculation when you want to, and whether it is affecting you and your partner (Mayo Clinic: Premature ejaculation).

So before you change anything, change the goal. You are not trying to beat a porn edit. You are trying to have the control to finish when you and your partner want to.

Nobody on set lasts forty unbroken minutes. What you see is hours of work, cut down. Stop measuring yourself against an edit.

1. Train your pelvic floor (yes, men have one)

If I could only give one piece of advice, it would be this. The pelvic floor is the hammock of muscle between your legs, the same muscles you use to stop urinating midstream. They are involved in both erection and ejaculation, and most men have never consciously trained them.

The evidence is better than most men expect. A systematic review in Physiotherapy concluded that pelvic floor muscle training can improve both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation (Myers & Smith, 2019). An Italian study of men with lifelong premature ejaculation who completed a pelvic floor rehabilitation programme reported a meaningful increase in their time to ejaculation, and followed them up over the long term (Pastore et al., 2018). It is not a miracle cure, and results vary, but it is low-risk and cheap — it costs you nothing but attention.

How I do it:

• Find the muscle. Next time you urinate, slow or stop the stream for a second. That squeeze is it. Do this once to identify it, not as a daily habit.
• Slow holds. Squeeze, hold for 5 seconds, relax fully for 5 seconds. Ten times.
• Quick flicks. Ten fast squeeze-and-release reps.
• Three times a day. Lying down at first, then sitting, then standing. I do mine in the car or waiting for coffee. Nobody can tell.

The relaxing part matters as much as the squeezing. A lot of men who finish fast are tense down there all the time. Learning to let go is half the skill.

Give it six to twelve weeks before you judge it. That is how long most of the programmes in the studies ran.

2. The stop-start method

This is the oldest behavioural technique in the book, and the NHS still lists it among the first things to try (NHS). The idea is simple: you get yourself close to the point of no return, then stop all stimulation until the urge drops, then start again. Repeat three or four times before you allow yourself to finish.

Practise alone first. The point is not to torture yourself; it is to learn where your “seven out of ten” is — the level of arousal where you still have choices. Most men who finish early have never learned to recognise it, so they go from five to ten without noticing the steps in between.

Then bring it into sex with a partner. Pausing is not failure. Change position, slow down, kiss, use your hands. A good partner will not see a pause; they will see a man who is paying attention.

3. The squeeze technique

A variation: when you are close, you or your partner firmly squeeze the end of the penis, where the head meets the shaft, for several seconds until the urge passes. Both Mayo Clinic and the NHS describe it. Personally I find stop-start more natural in the moment, but some men prefer the squeeze because it feels more decisive. Try both and keep whichever one your body responds to.

4. Breathe like you mean it

This one is underrated. When arousal climbs, most men start breathing fast and shallow, high in the chest. That is a stress response, and it speeds everything up.

On set, when I feel myself getting too close, the first thing I change is my breathing: slow, low, into the belly, with a longer exhale than inhale. Four seconds in through the nose, six seconds out. It is the cheapest brake you have.

There is research catching up with this. A 2025 randomised controlled trial in the Journal of Sexual Medicine tested diaphragmatic breathing exercises in men with premature ejaculation and reported improvements (Erkut et al., 2025). It is one trial, so I would not oversell it, but it matches what I feel in practice.

5. Control the pace and the position

You have more control over stimulation than you think.

• Slow down and go deeper rather than fast and shallow. Speed is the accelerator.
• Positions where you are not supporting your weight on tense arms — lying on your side, or with your partner on top — keep your whole body calmer.
• Do not make penetration the whole event. If your partner has already had a great time with your hands and mouth, the pressure on the “main act” drops, and so does the urgency.
• Second rounds are usually longer. Many men naturally last longer the second time. That is not cheating; it is physiology.

6. Get fit — it is not a cliché

Cardiovascular health and sexual health are the same system. An erection is a blood-flow event. A systematic review of intervention studies concluded that physical activity, especially regular aerobic exercise, improves erectile function (Gerbild et al., 2018). In a well-known randomised trial in JAMA, obese men with erectile dysfunction who lost weight and exercised more improved their erectile function compared with controls (Esposito et al., 2004).

Why does that matter for lasting longer? Because a lot of men who finish fast are actually anxious about losing their erection, so they rush. Better erectile confidence means less rushing. The NHS recommends adults do at least 150 minutes of moderate activity a week (NHS: Exercise). I train most days because my job requires it, but you do not need to look like an athlete. You need to move.

7. Sleep, alcohol and the rest of your life

• Sleep. Tired men have less control. Everything — mood, stamina, erections — is worse on five hours.
• Alcohol. A drink can relax you. Several drinks make erections less reliable, which, as above, makes men rush. The NHS lists drinking too much among the lifestyle causes of erection problems (NHS: Erectile dysfunction).
• Anxiety and relationship stress. The NHS and Mayo Clinic both list psychological factors as common causes of premature ejaculation. If your head is somewhere else, your body will follow.

8. About porn habits

I work in porn, so I am not going to lecture anyone about watching it. But I will say this honestly: if your only sexual practice is fast, high-stimulation masturbation to a screen, you are training your body to finish quickly. When you practise alone, slow down, use the stop-start method, and pay attention to your body instead of the video. Treat it as training, not just release.

9. Products and medicines — talk to a professional

Numbing condoms and sprays exist and are widely sold. Some men find thicker condoms help. There are also prescription medicines that delay ejaculation. The NHS and Mayo Clinic both describe these options, but medicines have side effects and interactions, so this is a conversation for a doctor or pharmacist, not for a forum or for me.

When to see a doctor

See a GP or a sexual health clinic if:

• It has happened most of the time for months, or since you started having sex.
• It is causing you real distress or hurting your relationship.
• You also have erection problems, pain, or other symptoms.

Erection problems in particular can be an early sign of heart disease or diabetes, which is why the NHS advises getting them checked (NHS). Doctors hear about this every day. You will not be the first or the hundredth.

What I want you to take away

You are probably more normal than you think. The average is around five minutes, not fifty. Control is a skill: train the pelvic floor, learn your seven out of ten, breathe low and slow, move your body, sleep, and stop comparing yourself with something that was edited.

I am not a doctor. I am a man whose job depends on his body doing what he asks of it, and these are the things that have worked for me, backed by the best sources I could find.

Sources

1. Waldinger MD et al. A multinational population survey of intravaginal ejaculation latency time. J Sex Med, 2005.
2. NHS. Ejaculation problems.
3. NHS. Erection problems (erectile dysfunction).
4. Mayo Clinic. Premature ejaculation: symptoms and causes.
5. Myers C, Smith M. Pelvic floor muscle training improves erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation: a systematic review. Physiotherapy, 2019.
6. Pastore AL et al. Pelvic muscle floor rehabilitation as a therapeutic option in lifelong premature ejaculation: long-term outcomes. Asian J Androl, 2018.
7. Erkut U et al. The effects of diaphragmatic breathing exercises on individuals with premature ejaculation: a randomized controlled trial. J Sex Med, 2025.
8. Gerbild H et al. Physical activity to improve erectile function: a systematic review of intervention studies. Sex Med, 2018.
9. Esposito K et al. Effect of lifestyle changes on erectile dysfunction in obese men: a randomized controlled trial. JAMA, 2004.
10. NHS. Exercise guidelines for adults.